Morning Ramblings.

Last night was the draft.  You will get no more draft talk here.

But you will get some real talk.

Yesterday I was really depressed.  I used to suffer from depression.  Yesterday was a pretty bad day, and to be honest, I can't give you a good reason why.  Sometimes it just happens.  Its all in how you see the world, the lens so to speak in which you perceive things.  All things being the same, sometimes it processes as good, sometimes bad.

I don't know if it is my ticking biological clock, telling me all of my friends have procreated.  I have always felt like a child would just be about the worst thing.  Not that I don't love children, I do.  But in this world, it almost seems like a criminal act to bring a kid into this place.  Even that statement seems cliche.

But the real reason has always been one of maturity and personal wealth.  I never want to struggle to take care of my kid.  Sometimes its seems like I struggle with myself.  Maybe that is the saddest thing....why haven't I achieved stability and self sufficiency?  I am a good person, and a good worker.  At least I feel that I am.

I can't always blame my past mistakes.  Granted I have made some bad investments of money and time and in relationships....My only hope is that I can learn from these mistakes and keep my eyes on the task at hand....keep pushing towards some future that may or may not provide relief from my current situation in life.

I am sure this has all been vague and tiresome.  I hate to be one of those people who whines about stuff, I would rather do something about it.  I also hate to be one of those people who feels like he needs a woman to be complete.  But in the end, I am only human, and love is something I miss. 

The only thing to do is to keep writing.  It is the only thing that 1. provides an outlet for whatever is inside me and 2. gives me a reason to believe that things can and will get better in the future.