May Day

It certainly seems as though spring has finally cleared all the hurdles and we are on direct course with summer.

Sometimes I hate myself so much it hurts.  There is an incredible amount of loathing that goes on inside me from time to time.  I am not sure it is healthy but such is the case.  If there is any condolence then I believe that it is possible that the best art comes from the most tortured souls.  I will carry on like I am happy.  And don't get me wrong, a lot of times I am happy.  But when I really let myself think about it, I realize that I am nowhere near the person I envisioned myself being at this point in my life.  And it gets me down.

I am not looking for sympathy.  I am not looking for advice.  I simply want to write the truth of the matter.  It isn't always glitzy and golden and "peachy."

I have always imagined attaining a state of enlightenment.  A point where desire and sadness melt away like snowflakes on a red hot skillet.  I have read of many people reaching transcendent points of bliss.  And from a young age I thought that happiness would not be found in material things or in wealth.  I would like to kick the person who ever convinced the younger version of me that money isn't important.  Money is the most important thing in the universe, it figuratively keeps the world spinning upon its axis.  It is the life force of happiness, and the more money you throw at it, the happier you are.

So now poor old me spends every day struggling and toiling and grasping for that which is so very difficult to attain, especially this late in life, wealth.

I am sorry if you came here expecting to hear different.

Little Ditty bout Jack and Diane

The absolute most difficult part of writing, whether it is a blog or a book, is figuring out what the heck to call the sombitch.  Today, I decided not to put much thought into the title, because I am more concerned about what I want to write about.  Of course, this could work against me, as a good title will sometimes be the push the reader needs to make it through the entire piece.  I have already spent more time talking about the title than I had anticipated.  Moving forward.

Did a lot of mulching today.  Yesterday was a clipping and weeding and raking up piles day.  Really exciting, I know.  But lawn care is more than just grunt manual labor.  It is art.  There is a certain elegance to what we do.  It may not look like it the lay observer, as we are covered in grime and sweat.  But a well groomed yard definitely makes the neighbors envious.  And that is our job.  To make your neighbors shake in their boots.

Being the center of the neighborhood's attention comes at a price.  You will BE chastised, made fun of, possibly assaulted.  This is just because they are envious of your top of the line yard.

I will tell you though, I am not pleased with the quality of mulch we have been using lately.  I don't know whose fault it is, but there seems to be a lot of horse shit mixed in with the black gold.  And that is the shit I don't like.  It makes the job that much harder when you have to constantly pick shit out of the mulch.  It gets irritating too.  But these are the challenges we face.

This blog seems to be raking in people at a rate of 2x what the Felson Mitchell blog brings in.  This tells me that you are tired of Felson.  I can't understand why, but you don't like Felson.  That surprises me.

I do love these sunny spring days.  It almost makes the allergies worth it.  Almost.

And so we meet again.

There really isn't much rhyme or reason to this here website, as you have probably already figured out.  It isn't called Ad(am's) Lib for nothing.

We did what they said we couldn't.  We took the story of a dimwitted narcissistic self help guru, and we made him run for President.  And we got votes.  Thank you for getting out the vote.  It is because of voters like you that we get to enjoy this society of ours today.

And the book.  We didn't manage to sell very many.  I guess that just means I will have to try harder.  Maybe sell out and start writing romance or vampire novels.  Or zombie warcraft novels.  Or witchcraft warlock's in outer space novels.

Just whatever would pay the sandwich bill.  Even tons of fun over here needs to eat.

So, I will keep writing.  It might not be want you want now.  But it will be want you want soon.  And you will be lucky that I will even think about giving it to you.

Out of shape much?!

This morning I debated on whether or not to go to the 5k for Autism at Paint Creek.  I wouldn't say I am really in any racing shape, and yesterday was a long day of hard manual labor...so when I woke up stiff and wanting to stay in bed, the internal struggle began.

That little voice that creeps inside my head, I call it complacency.  It said "don't go, you are out of shape, you will embarrass yourself, you will see a bunch of people that expect you to be the runner you once were, etc..."

That little mother *@$!cker complacency got bitch slapped.  I went to the race.  I came in second.  It was probably the worst I have ever run in a competition time wise, but it felt good to go out and do something uncomfortable against my will.  Plus I had already paid 25 dollars so it would make sense to actually get my money's worth of discomfort.

So now I am back at the helm.  I have 2 books to write, which is daunting in and of itself...and I am also trying to clean up the first book for a reprinting sometime this summer.  Needless to say, I am going out of my mind.  Its good that I don't like to get out much.  Because really there isn't much time. 

Oh, I applied for a job in Yellow Springs.  I hope I get it because I really want to move there.

That is all I have right now.

Morning Ramblings.

Last night was the draft.  You will get no more draft talk here.

But you will get some real talk.

Yesterday I was really depressed.  I used to suffer from depression.  Yesterday was a pretty bad day, and to be honest, I can't give you a good reason why.  Sometimes it just happens.  Its all in how you see the world, the lens so to speak in which you perceive things.  All things being the same, sometimes it processes as good, sometimes bad.

I don't know if it is my ticking biological clock, telling me all of my friends have procreated.  I have always felt like a child would just be about the worst thing.  Not that I don't love children, I do.  But in this world, it almost seems like a criminal act to bring a kid into this place.  Even that statement seems cliche.

But the real reason has always been one of maturity and personal wealth.  I never want to struggle to take care of my kid.  Sometimes its seems like I struggle with myself.  Maybe that is the saddest thing....why haven't I achieved stability and self sufficiency?  I am a good person, and a good worker.  At least I feel that I am.

I can't always blame my past mistakes.  Granted I have made some bad investments of money and time and in relationships....My only hope is that I can learn from these mistakes and keep my eyes on the task at hand....keep pushing towards some future that may or may not provide relief from my current situation in life.

I am sure this has all been vague and tiresome.  I hate to be one of those people who whines about stuff, I would rather do something about it.  I also hate to be one of those people who feels like he needs a woman to be complete.  But in the end, I am only human, and love is something I miss. 

The only thing to do is to keep writing.  It is the only thing that 1. provides an outlet for whatever is inside me and 2. gives me a reason to believe that things can and will get better in the future.

Back in the Saddle again

Well, I am sorry I did not get on here yesterday.  I guess those two a days make up for my absence, but it still bothers me a little when I don't do something regularly.  My tendency to like regularity (not talking BMs, believe it or not) stems from my running days, which I have been getting back into these last few weeks.  Plan on running four tonight and then taking tomorrow really easy, because I "plan on" running a 5k for Autism on Saturday.  I say plan on because the best laid plans of mice and men are....I forget the rest of the quote, but I think the point of it is you never can be one hundred percent positive your plans will work accordingly.

If I do run, I would like to get under 21.  Seven minute mile pace for me now is like 5:30 pace for when I was 10 years younger and 50 pounds lighter.
**********

Got told to politely leave the gas station before authorities were called.  Its bad enough that I paid 3.50 a gallon.  Some guy was asking another guy if he had a couple "gay guys in the car," and then continued to make disparaging remarks that were supposed to be funny.  I asked the guy who was making these statements if he was trying to sound like a redneck.  "Was I talking to you son?"  No you weren't but you were making stupid comments for everyone to hear.  What do you have against gay people?  "I don't have anything against faggots."  Oh, they are faggots now?  It sure sounds like you got a problem with gay people.  "Maybe I do, what is it to you" (starts moving toward me like he is about to do something)  Maybe I am gay and a gay person is about to whoop your ass (I am not gay for the record, I hate how I always have to make this distinction, do I look gay or something?). Then I proceed to move towards him like, if you are gonna step up brother you better be ready to scrap.

He backs away and I continue my tirade.  "Its people like you that give rednecks like me a bad name.  Why don't you come up with better ways to put down your buddy than by calling him a homosexual like that is a bad thing.  I think that it is you that is gay! ....*(^&...."

It is about this time that the gas station attendant comes out and informs me that my time here is up.

Whatever.  I got in the truck and left.

The moral of this story, if you say something that I find offensive, be prepared to back up your statements because I will call you out.  I am tired of the hate directed towards minorities.  It is not funny calling someone gay if they are not gay and you are trying to put that person down.  Its 2013.  Get with the damn program.

To those about to Rock, I salute you.

Last night was interesting to say the least.  Had three fire trucks come to the scene, where a two story log pile was set ablaze last night.  No one was harmed, except for maybe some ticks which were out in numbers.  Picked twenty off of myself.  Not a single bite, you nasty parasites from Hades.

Seems like a lot of people got a whole lot to say about you when you aren't around.  Because words go round and round and end up right here eventually but you never hear them say it to your face.  That's a disgrace to the whole human race.

Earth day was a great success.  The sun shined all day and the springs brings out the ladies and gents alike.  It is good to see people out doing things on a nice sunny day.  But we need to have inside time where we are miserable and cold to truly enjoy how nice it is on days like these.  That is one thing I like about Ohio.  It is one reality check after reality check.

You can't go anywhere and not see four thousand cops out gallivanting around like they don't have anything better to do than make sure you are absolutely one hundred and thirty three percent safe and good to go at all times.  It always amazes me how much I can complain about how crappy my first world existence is.  Even though I am poor as dirt, I still have a couch on which to lay my head and a roof to cover my bread.  We all good over here.  Its all good in Mr HOnnOlDs neighborhood.

I pledge allegiance to my family and my God.

My country, well, the country that the forefathers created is getting spat on in this new socialist system we have inherited.  Miranda Rights must be read to all American citizens, whether we like it or not they are citizens for a reason and as such must be granted due process through the legal system.

More and more I just have to shake my head.  I further and further find myself not liking the course of humanity.  All I can do is use my voice....but the deafening roar of 320 million other souls makes it so one voice doesn't always get heard.

But I will keep my grind on.

Heard on the radio an add for testosterone...."do you have feelings of inadequacy?  do you want a greater sex drive?"  Yes and NO mother^*&(*er...I do feel inadequate because television and movies tell me I am supposed to.

And NO bitch, I do not want a greater sex drive.  It is bad enough as it is, why would I want to compound the problem?  Its not like we running through hoes here in the Greater Lyndon Metro.  I was a born again virgin like months ago.

Speaking of commercials, they drive me nuts...but we need advertisements so we can enjoy FREE television programming and Internet.  Wait, neither of those are free.  Hey, you bastards are double dipping.  Me?  I just zone out.  If there is a commercial on, I know they are just trying to sucker me into giving them my money.  Repeat after me....ITS MY MONEY.  And I want it now.

Fear Naught

I understand why people end up going on murderous rampages....

Please don't misinterpret this as a warning sign for my own impending escapade of carnage.

People get shit on.  And the ones that get shit on usually get shit on over and over again.  And to you that doesn't get shat on, it might seem funny that these other people struggle.  But it isn't funny to that person.  Just ask them.

They are pathetic, but they are OUR creations.  You can see a reflection of yourself in every son and daughter of Adam and Eve.  We are all the same.

So the next time you think that you are better than somebody...understand that you aren't.

And pray to God you don't get blown to pieces by some nut job that needed your help.

Last night was nice.

Well, I ended up getting out of the house, which for me is a rare occasion anymore.  I went to Yellow Springs with Pubert and Lindsey.  We started at the Gulch, but Lindz complained "its too crowded" so we then headed to Peppers, and it was twice as crowded so we ended up back up at the Gulch.  We meet up with black Steve McQueen, who is rad AF, and he tells us to go to the Brewery, which is like an old factory converted into an underground playground for hipsters, hippies, and indy autistic savants alike.  It was really cool, the guy who owns the place can't be much older than myself, and he was spinning awesome music when live bands weren't playing, such as Richard D. James, who I simply have adored since I was a teenager.

Right before I think the evening can't get any cooler, because I am talking to this really pretty nerdy/chic girl who was backup vocals for the first band (who sadly will be leaving for Seattle to pursue music ventures in a better environment), and I am getting my drink on w/ some delicious Brooklyn Ale, none other than DAVE CHAPPELLE himself comes walking in.  Everyone is totally cool around him, after all, he is always known to go out and about Yellow Springs because they don't treat him like a celebrity.  I go up and shake his hand and he is really cool and downplays the whole thing which makes me feel less like a crazy stalker fan.  He looks like he has been celebrating 420 in Thurgood Jenkins fashion.

My life is complete.  I can die now having spent 420 with my favorite comedian of all time.

I think that when I can afford it, maybe after publishing the next book, I want to move to Yellow Springs.  There is something about that town...its like the police state that has touched most of America hasn't been able to sink its fangs into this town of less than 5000.

The people there treat me like family.  More so than the town I grew up in.  So why not relocate someplace better?  Life is too short to get stuck in backassward BFE Greenfield Ohio.

Yard Sale.

You probably thought that there wouldn't be any log today since I am running my tard sale yard sale, but you thought wrong now, didn't you?  Its ok to be wrong sometimes.  We are all wrong from time to time.  I am wrong from time to time.  What else needs to be said about this?  Nothing.

The art sale has brought in a lot of customers, which I appreciate.  Thank you for all the money and I hope you enjoy my junk.  That is your junk, now.

The priciest item so far was a book, believe it or not, written by one Adam C. Honnold.  It had a signature in it and was gobbled up before I had a chance to tell her that it was pure crap.  But that is how things go around here.  Not a lot of cents is made, just dollars....Speaking of which....I need more dollars, as in ones, so please bring ones when you want to get cashed out.  Thank you and God Bless.

Just A REMINDER

Tomorrow is the big day. No it is not the day where you get to toke down on the largest marijuana stogie you can assemble, it is the big blow out yard sale art sale.

If you need clothes, and are a dude that is roughly my size, I got you a wardrobe for cheap.  And you needed a sectional, right?  Well, I have one for you, priced to sell, and I will drive it to your HOUSE, son!

I have been diligently working on two books and this yard sale and the homestead all day long.  And I am just getting started.

I sleep like 4 hours a day.  I can't help it.  My mind won't stop unless I drug it, and that is bad.  So...I write.  And I create...and you better like it someday.

Time to Hesitate is threw?

Yes, this one is titled after Jim Morrison's lyrics and yes it is spelled incorrectly.  That is just how we roll here.  Typos on top of typos.

Every time I look at my first novel I want to throw up.  It is horrible.  There are SO MANY (*a^%&)(*&!!& typos and grammatical errors that I am humbled and borderline ashamed to call myself a writer.

But at the same time it is art.

I am going with a different publisher in the future.  There might be a little penguin next to my name.  I like penguins.

Just listen to Ray Manzarek as he tickles the damn ebony and ivory.  He was the true genius that drove the Doors.  I don't care what you say, Oliver Stone.  I would have to be Oliver "stoned" out of my mind to call that a good movie.  Ok, Val Kilmer was pretty much born for the role, I give.

Allergies make it look like I am high all the time.  You just have to deal with it people.  I have to deal with the histamines, you have to deal with my red eyes.  We all learn to deal with what we have.

And this wind and that pollen make for a lovely april.   Happy April 19th, y'all!  Smoke'm if you got 'em. 

Me, I will NOT.  I have too much going on to be partying.  There is just too damn much to do so I will get off here now.

On Second novel

I think I am finally starting to figure out where this bad boy is going.  My new goal is completely outrageous and maybe not possible but it is what I am shooting for.  Get it done by the month of my birth, August.

That means 104 days.  I might have five chapters done, but the process is accelerating. Now I just need to figure out when to work on the other book and keep a nine to five.  HA!

Gardening, Writing, Preparing...

Today has been pretty slow.  As in I have been pretty slow, but I am about to get on it.

I can be such a procrastinator.  So far I have only spent about 2 hours getting ready for the yard sale which is this weekend, weather permitting.

Spent about 30 minutes on the garden but it is too muddy.  It is windy and it is allergy season, so that is my excuse for not getting anything done. Lol.  We all need a good excuse, don't we?

Planning a 4 miler this evening when it cools down, and then might go to Bellbrook for some business, plus there might just be more stuff for the yard sale.

There are some good ideas for stories...the only problem is that little voice that says no, that isn't the way to write....that sentence sucks....etc.  So critical of myself.  But no one else is going to be critical for me, so I have to do it my self.  Hopefully the outcome is better writing.  Ya dig?  No, it's too muddy.

Whipping dis now so I can take tomorrow off....(maybe)

This is all I have done today.  Write a little, and played basketball.  Mostly just shot the i$h with a friend of mine who is reppin' the dirty dirty So OH like myself.

We talked about how blacks came from glory, and how Greenfield once was the golden child.  If only Duncan McArthur's dream would have materialized.

If only EL McClain would have stayed in town.

If only the universe did not revolve around the school.  Don't get me wrong, it is great having such a jewel of a school in this rough patch of country sandwiched in between 3 or 4 geographically different regions, depending on who you talk to.

Highland county is likely a product of an meteor impact pushing the Earth up against the giant glacial wall.

God knows it would make a good place for a pyramid, but that is the dumbest idea ever because it comes from an idiot without an ounce of positive credentials to speak of, someone who some would say is even essentially fictional.

My tea's gone cold and I'm wondering why I got out of bed at all.  The morning rain clouds up my window and I can't see at all.  And even if I could...it would be Earl Grey.  Put your picture on my wall, it reminds me, its not so bad at all.

That is about it for today.  I think.  Probably more tomorrow.  I haven't decided yet.

Insomnia

Been thinking about all sorts of things today.

Thought about the idea of soul mates...I do believe they exist.......but I also believe that one can go an entire lifetime and not find that soul mate.  That is just the kind of universe we live in.

God has a sense of humor.

And everything is part of a plan.

I thought about quantum entanglement for the first time in a long time.  It was a discussion I had with a KofC member just after I schooled my old man in a couple of games of billiards.  It was social night for the knights.

Everyone seems to be aware of the Boston events.  Even ESPN is finding a way to make the Red Sox their darlings, as if that weren't ever the case.

I get frustrated.  Yeah, I am lucky to be working on two books at the same time, and I have survived death before and I still have my health and don't live in a third world country....but at the same time, I always feel like I deserve more.  Why do I feel like I deserve to be rich?  I don't deserve shit.  Nothing is promised anyone.

Except, I guess the Lord's love.  If one has Jesus in their heart, then they have all of the spiritual wealth necessary to feel satisfied in this life, and death.

Just a couple of ramblings.  Its ADam's LIB, afterall.

Third day is a charm?

I am going to try to do this every day that I get on the computer at least.  Some days I realize it won't be possible because I will be too busy with lawn care, but generally speaking I spend hours a day on a computer writing anyhow so it shouldn't be too hard to be regular on here.

Yesterday I went for a three miler and it was the best I have felt all year.  I need to keep that momentum forward.  How easy it is to fall out of shape in the complacency of every day living.  Drinking beer, soda, eating unhealthy food, it is all too tempting....

But it comes at a price.  And if I am smart I will stop drinking so much beer, which I am, I hardly drink at all anymore really, but Diet Pepsi is a huge vice of mine, especially when I am writing and I need a little pick me up.  Its like a bump of cocaine, but minus the cocaine.  But it has aspartame which will likely give me old-timers when I grow up.  I guess that part of the reason why I am writing so much shit down now.  Because if I don't write it down now it will probably be gone forever : D.

Most of the clean faces are really the dirtiest.

And only the good die young.  Which makes me think I am badder than I thought.  I want to be good, and I think that humanity is good on some level and there is goodness in everyone, even the people that try to fuck shit up by bombing shit...there is a goodness that got ran over and stomped on and destroyed and overlooked and lived a pitiful world of misery and crap....but it wouldn't be forgotten....and all Karmic debts must be paid.....so this piece of shit that God created, and put His love in, still has some goodness in its essence.  And that is what we should all be praying for.  The goodness that is in all of us to resurface.  The humanity in all of us to resurface.

It has gotten to the point where the bad news on the news doesn't even phase us.  How calloused and cold are we?  Where has the humanity gone?   I know not.  I guess that is why I will pour over Wikipedia in my down time instead of going to the bar.

The funniest thing is even when I am in a bar I am still researching.  There is just too much to learn out there.  And I love it.  And that is the surest sign that there is a God.  That there is so infinitely much to gather up and experience.

Our thoughts and our prayers with Boston.

I am thinking of my many friends that are in Boston right now, hoping they are safe.  I could be there very easily right now, and am glad to be safe here in the middle of nowhere, Ohio.

I cannot even begin to fathom some of the things that happen to the planet we live on...so I will not be saying anything more about the subject.

Interviewed my subject.

Dug out a portion of the garden.

Will be working on the other book for the rest of the evening.

Plus, I am starting to sleep outside.  The sounds of nature help me get a very good REM sleep.

ACH

To New Beginnings

I went for a run today with Steve in Frankfort.  There were a shit ton of people out there, let me just tell ya.  I do not like being around crowds in the first place, so having Steve, or the epitome of how a dog should not behave in public as I sometimes like to call him-with me was...in a word....enjoyable.

I kept him on his leash, and we did pretty well going for a 3 mile jog.  I even let him off the chain once we got away from the crowd.  Probably 8 minute pace most of the way.  Which I might add, for a 212 pound individual is like 6:30 pace for 150 lbs.  I felt pretty good and didn't take long to get back to resting heart rate when I was finished, which I can probably attribute to good genes, and the fact that I have been running just about every day this past week.

I am trying to keep my diet healthy.  I am not getting any younger, so I have been eating fewer carbohydrates, more protein, and more vegetables.  Coffee, multivitamins, and the occasional lozenge to keep my oral fixation to a manageable min, have all been staples in my day to day intake.  And Diet Pepsi, I am ashamed to admit.  I am trying to cut aspartame out of my diet.

But I do drink at least two cups of water a day. Most days more.  Staying hydrated is something I have always been good at, and really learned how to perfect while in the military.

Tonight, after I finish a chapter of the new book I am working on, "The Mount and the Message," I will be going to Chillicothe to interview Marvin Riley for a biography he wants to get published.  Very excited to get the tape recorder out and start doing some investigative work...I really want to dig the stories out of this guy and get them on paper.

I hope you are all having a wonderful day.  This is just a little experiment blogsite.  No real restrictions, but it is a journal primarily, for myself.

Adam Conrad Honnold